Realising that there are several versions, and that some extremely different readings seem to fit just as well, made me look up the original medieval Latin lyrics, and do a compare and contrast:
Clearly these alternatives aren't all independent, but there's enough variety to be amusing. Most of the variation seems to be around lines that nothing fits very well. Also, once a variant has been used, it appears to affect nearby versions: once you have rats in your head, they stay around. I suspect that a trained historian could work out a family tree of which version influenced which.
O Fortuna(O Fortune) Oh, four tuna //Gopher tuna velut luna(like the moon) Bring more tuna statu variabilis(you are changeable) Statuary on his knees //Statue of big dog with fleas semper crescis(ever waxing) Some men like cheese //Cement like cheese aut decrescis;(and waning;) Hot, temperate cheese //Hot Democrat cheese vita detestabilis(hateful life) Vimto can taste of kidneys //Green chalk can taste like hippies //We took a taste of me knees nunc obdurat(first oppresses) Lukewarm two rat //You caught two rocks? //Look up, you brat et tunc curat(and then soothes) Bet too cool, rat //Pet two cool rats //That took cool rat ludo mentis aciem,(as fancy takes it) You don't get cheese or chicken //Luke don't make tea. Sore chicken egestatem,(poverty) Bend chips all day //Play chess all day potestatem(and power) Hot and salty //Hold his sock tip //Poke Tess all day dissolvit ut glaciem.(it melts them like ice.) Dip sore feet. Good, hot chilli //She sold me good, hot chicken --- Sors immanis(Fate - monstrous) Saucy codpiece //Saucy hot peas //Saucy mommies et inanis,(and empty) Ate spleen of neice //Get me cod, please //Get in on knees rota tu volubilis,(you whirling wheel) Brought up too full food in me //Rock talk to boy who believes //Broke up to follow minis status malus,(you are malevolent) Suck juice from moose vana salus(well-being is vain) Fun with some goose //Fun, handsome goose semper dissolubilis,(and always fades to nothing) Second these so rude big knees //Cement pizza? Noobie please! //Second this, all who believes obumbratashadowed) Open bra top //Open bar tab et velata(and veiled) Get them loved up //Get him locked up michi quoque niteris;(you plague me too;) Leaking foot when near cherries //Leaky aquariataries nunc per ludum(now through the game) Look, they look good //Look there! Fruitloop! //Look, them look dumb //Look there look good dorsum nudum(I bring my bare back) Dogs sure look cute //Don't sue YouTube //Hot soup look good fero tui sceleris.(to your villainy.) Farewell to knees and berries //They wrote teh dictionary //Farewell to ancient berries --- Sors salutis(Fate is against me) Salsa cookies et virtutis(in health) Windmill cookies michi nunc contraria,(and virtue) They'll give you gonorrhea! //They gave you gonorrhea! est affectus(driven on) This octopus //This know is loose et defectus(and weighted down) Let's give him boots //Let's cook this goose semper in angaria.(always enslaved.) Send him a carburetor //Send him to North Korea //And give him half a pizza //Send him a car or pizza Hac in hora(So at this hour) Lovely Torah //Ow, paper cut! //Monkey, Dora sine mora(without delay) Send me more of //Sandpaper, ahh! corde pulsum tangite;(pluck the vibrating strings;) Potato soup and chicken quod per sortem(since Fate) What mess again? //Go taste the dip! //I miss old friend //Hot mess all day sternit fortem,(strikes down the string) Sing it, ugly //It's made with cool whip! mecum omnes plangite!(everyone weep with me!) Be good for Peace Monkey's sake //Make room for a piece of lovely cake //Be good for a piece of cake
Listening to any of the recordings whilst reading the original words is interesting: in some cases the words really being sung appear to fit just as poorly as some of the alternatives. Presumably this is a combination of a large choir singing not quite simultaneously, in a foreign language, filtered through a non-perfect sound system.
Knowing what to listen for makes all the difference. Once you are listening for "Vimto can taste of kidneys", it's easy to hear. But then so is "Green chalk can taste like hippies". These surreal lyrics are much easier to hear than alleged mumbled satanic phrases in rock music played backwards (but for the very same reason).