On parasocial relationships, and updating mental models

I came across a new term recently: parasocial relationship.  These are “one-sided” relationships,  where person A invests some degree of time, energy and emotion in following the life of person B, yet person B is unaware of even the existence of person A.

In these relationships, person B is typically some celebrity enough in the news that person A can easily follow them.  But person B may even be fictional: people can look forward to book sequels or new TV seasons so that they can “spend more time” with their favourite characters.  More dedicated fans may even write “fan fiction” to this end.

Parasocial relationships have been categorised into three levels: (1) entertainment-social, with normal fan-like following of news; (2) intense-personal, with feelings to the point of obsession; (3) borderline-pathological, with addiction-like fantasies and behaviours.  

I would say there is also a level 0, more a form of acquaintanceship, due to existing in a culture where news of the other cannot be avoided, so they necessarily become familiar over time.  

An aspect of relationships is that we humans build mental models of our world that include models of these other people (and models of ourselves, and models of their models of us, and…).  Most of the people in our own mental model are our specific friends, relatives, colleagues, and acquaintances, plus a sea of famous people, and a sort of background of undifferentiated extras.  We each use our own model to predict and anticipate events and behaviours, and so need to keep it up to date and as correct as is needed for us to function in the world.  Differences between our model and the real world may be due to a faulty model (eg, I completely misunderstood X’s motivations), or may be due to a change in the world (eg, Y has died).  Then our model needs to be updated.  But this takes time, and it can be jarring or upsetting for us when our model keeps making incorrect predictions, for example because it is assuming that a person who has recently died is still alive.

A combination of a parasocial acquaintanceship and an uncorrected mental model can possibly explain why one feels upset, or discomforted, or just plain off balance, when a famous person dies.  A famous person such as Queen Elizabeth II, for example.

So, I will be watching the funeral.  Partly to help update my mental model through forced correctional input (when will it stop being totally weird to hear people saying “the King”?)  And partly to grieve the end of a parasocial relationship (level 0+) that I have been engaged in for over 60 years.